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TOPIC: Joke time!

Joke time! 20 Feb 2018 20:16 #82285

  • rushwal
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Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation the patient wakes up, and demands to know what is going on.

"I'm about to close," the surgeon says.

The patient grabs his hand and says, "Oh, no you're not! I am also a surgeon. I'll close my own incision."

The doctor hands him the needle and says, "Suture self."

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Joke time! 16 Feb 2018 22:47 #82151

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Two men showed up at the construction site one Sunday morn, day of the SuperBowl.......both looked at each other with disapointment, they had to work the day of the big game.......
The one man say's to the other, "I have an idea".......to which he proceeded and climbed up into the rafters....once there he hung from the ceiling just by his knees........
Right then the Supervisor walks in, looks up, "Hey, what are you doing, are ya nuts....."
The man replies " No sir, i am a light bulb"...
Supervisor scratches his head and says to the man " Climb on down, i obviously bin working you too hard, go home and get some rest"
The first man climbs down, gathers his tools and goes home, the supervisor looks over and the other man is packing up his tools......"Hey what are you doing" he says....
The second man says, " Going home, ya can't expect me to work with out a light"

sorry, Darbyville humour.......
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Joke time! 09 Feb 2018 18:20 #82038

Blind guy walks into a bar, picks his seeing eye dog up by the tail and starts to spin him around in circles, Bartender says WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING!!!!!!!
Blind guy says aww just looking around

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Joke time! 09 Feb 2018 16:37 #82033

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:doh: :hand:

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Joke time! 09 Feb 2018 12:36 #82032

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A pirate captain was out to retrieve his buried treasure.

After months of hard sailing, his ship caught sight of land, the land to which his treasure map had been leading.



He and his first mate disembarked on the island to search out the buried treasure, which was supposed to lie hidden deep within a swamp at the center of the island.



Sure enough, at the center of the island was a swamp, and the Captain and his first mate bravely entered the swamp.



Soon the swamp began to get deeper, and the pirate's feet, then ankles, and finally entire leg below the knees were covered in the swamp.



It was at that time that the Captain banged his shin against something hard. He reached down, searched around, and pulled up a treasure chest. Prying the lock open, the chest revealed gold and jewels beyond imagination.



The Captain turned to his first mate and said,

"Arrrr, matey, that just goes to show ye, that booty is only shin deep!"
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Joke time! 02 Feb 2018 01:04 #81882

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Eagle127 wrote: I agree. www.nytimes.com/2018/01/26/magazine/lett...ney-dangerfield.html


Met him once... really funny guy. He stole my pen. :angry:
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Joke time! 01 Feb 2018 22:29 #81876

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Joke time! 30 Jan 2018 16:36 #81820

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There was a guy from Boston Mass
Whos rivits were made out of brass
He clapped them together
They played Stormy Weather
And fire shot out of his......!

What are you thinking of anyway?
The missing word is STERN!
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Last Edit: by Carol.

Joke time! 30 Jan 2018 02:03 #81815

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Father-Son Outing
While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage. I got him a Guinness. He didn’t like it, so I drank it.

Then I got him a Kilkenny’s, he didn’t like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn’t. I drank it.

I thought maybe he’d like whisky better than beer so we tried a Jameson’s; nope!

In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland’s finest whisky. He wouldn’t even smell it.

What could I do but drink it!

By the time I realized he just didn’t like to drink, I was so wasted I could hardly push his stroller back home!

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Joke time! 09 Jan 2018 01:53 #81310

If so I am in just as long as she don't get any of my boats lol
Charlie

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